I've taken 2 steps back but have come 2 1/2 steps forward. Used to be that it was 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Not anymore. A friend of mine always says "The faster I go, the behinder I get". Sometimes that seems so true and it used to be a mantra that spoke to me. It no longer applies. In this case, I'm looking at the proverbial cup being "half full", and I'm, therefore, no longer behind, but exactly where I need to be. My life journey continues to evolve.
Someone very dear to my family passed away two weeks ago. She was 38. While not completely unexpected, she had been ill, one is never prepared for such a thing. I have been just a coiled bundle of nerves and emotion for weeks, both before and after. I kept busy just so I wouldn't have to think too much. When I stopped running around like a nut, I was filled with sadness, so I'd run some more.
These past couple of days, the fog has begun to lift. I have begun to feel the sparkle in my life again. Yesterday, there was a happy occasion and I was all dressed up, a little less critical of myself than usual. I decided that the dress, hair, makeup were "just right for the occasion". A few hairs out of place was not such a big deal; the fit and color of the dress was "just fine". Today I sat down and finished some jewelry pieces that I had started. I'd been so distracted that I'd start something and leave it lay. Now they are complete and I feel like I've accomplished something. I've added a bit of color back into my world.
My world seemed to come to a standstill 2 weeks ago, but the rest of the world was still moving. I am now moving with it, in stride, no longer running. Each day brings a bit more sunshine into my heart. I can think again and allow my emotions to be whatever they are. It is OK. There is no right or wrong here. I am where I am supposed to be. No more black and white here. I have color; the blues of sadness in contrast to the reds of fire and life, the greens of peace and calm, and the yellows of warmth. I am red. I am full of life, passion, and spirit. Let the colors of your life be the bright spot of your day.
Until next time...
Starting from Scratch by Kate Lloyd
2 weeks ago